oh, man!

where have i been, lo these many weeks???

so, i'm pretty sure i was up on existential crises last time, but i think i found a way to ride them like a type of bucking horse in the old west.

i may have decided that i am the type of fellow, the type of person/man, that can only exist in the here and now. i try to contact the future via olden and modern means (hand-written letters with stamps, finger typed briefs of the electronic variety) but i feel like i only exist as a flesh and blood/flash and body terence. i think this probably has to do with my relation to mortality, but it may also have to do with my love of roller coaster rides and the moments betwixt 11pm and midnight on christmas eve at seven years old, talking to meredith, wondering what could happen next.

which can be a problem for many.

i am still here, surely. i think i just worry about what i say in my present, and how that affects my legacy.

i am an egotist for sure, but i truly believe we all are. i can't imagine us functioning otherwise.

i think i have the thesis of my winter months meditations, so maybe bear with me???